SteveSilver.net

"Transformers" Sucks: Burns!

"I can’t imagine a more dispiriting, dehumanizing cinematic experience than this relentless fusillade of aggressive, incoherent images, macho posturing and schoolyard-bully humor. But then again, I tend to say the same thing every time I see a Michael Bay picture... I’m fascinated by how close Bay’s id is to the surface in the appalling films he directs, and what a deeply unpleasant and angry man he seems to be." -Sean Burns, Philadelphia Weekly.

BSG Goes to the Movies

The Salaries

Interesting graph of how the MLB teams are doing, vs. their team payrolls. I'm proud that the Twins are always higher on the left side than on the right.

Wade Gustafson, RIP

Actor Harve Presnell, best known to me as William H. Macy's hard-ass father-in-law (who Steve Buscemi eventually killed on top of the parking garage) in "Fargo," has died of cancer at the age of 75. Apparently he had quite a theatrical resume as well.

"Transformers" Sucks: House Next Door!

"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is to its predecessor like a medieval torture chamber is to a playground, but that won’t keep many from swallowing it hook, line and sinker, quickly and indiscriminately. I can only hope that my feelings here are the general consensus—not just for critics, but for human beings. Few elements of Fallen are completely odious unto themselves, but rolled together it becomes a wave of inescapable proportions—a literal tsunami of shit."

The Palin Piece

Go read it now. Wow. I'd also like it if my friends on the right would try to rebut the piece as it is, rather than yell about liberal bias for the millionth time.

Beaker vs. the Dickweeds

One of the funnier CNBC segments ever:

Yes, I'm Already Getting Sick of Michael Jackson on TV

It was pretty much the only topic on cable news for the entire weekend. The other day I was in the airport and CNN was on, and it was all-Michael, all-the-time for about an hour, until suddenly they showed Robert Gibbs answering questions in the White House briefing room. At last, some coverage of Iran, the cap-and-trade bill, or something else? Oh no, Gibbs was answering a question about... Michael Jackson.

Also this week, I was shocked to discover that the kid's name really is "Blanket." I just assumed the "South Park" writers made that up.

Show-Me Baseball

I returned Tuesday afternoon from a wonderful five-day trip with my dad to St. Louis and Kansas City to watch our beloved Twins take on first the St. Louis Cardinals and then the Kansas City Royals in their respective home parks, neither of which I'd been to (nor had I been to either city.) A few notes on the trip:

- I liked downtown St. Louis, it seemed to have a lot of cool stuff packed into not that many square blocks (our hotel was right between the Gateway Arch and the stadium.) Had two great meals the two nights we were there: one at Max and Erma's and the other at Mike Shannon's.

- Things I liked about Busch Stadium: It looks great from the outside and inside; you can't go wrong with the red brick and red seats. It's totally respectful of the illustrious history of both the team and St. Louis as a baseball town. It plays neither too big nor too small, and they even kept the "Big Mac" thing in left field even though McGwire is both long-gone and long-disgraced.

- Things I didn't like about Busch Stadium: Unlike just about every ballpark built in the last ten years, you can't see into the field from the concourses; Philly and Citi Field, among other places, not only encourage this but even have tables set up so you can eat there. And speaking of eating... Busch has the least diversity of food options of any ballpark I've ever been to, new or old- sure, the stands all have different names, but it's the same five things at all of them, except for the occasional nacho booth. And third of all, the railings at the bottom of the decks are about knee-high, so low that a dude apparently fell out of the upper deck Friday night. He was okay, having landed, bloodily, in the deck below.

Of stadiums built since 2000 that I've been to, I put Busch ahead of Cincinnati, but behind San Francisco, Pittsburgh, Philly, and Citi Field.

- No mention on Saturday or Sunday that the Twins and Cards were playing in a rematch of the 1987 World Series. They could've had Tommy Herr and Steve Lombardozzi jointly throw out the first pitch or something.

- There's a bust of Jack Buck outside Busch, which even includes audio of some of his more famous calls. It doesn't include "And we'll see you... tomorrow night," however.

- At the Cardinals game- even though he's now with the Blue Jays, there were way, way, more Scott Rolen jerseys than I'm used to seeing at Phillies games. I wonder why. Though I don't think I've ever seen a J.D. Drew jersey at either place.

- A WHOLE lot of Twins fans at both parks, probably more in St. Louis since it was a weekend and a rare chance for Minnesota fans to see their team at a newish National League park. We travel very well, although starting next year outdoor baseball won't have the novelty for Minnesotans that it does now.

- Difference between the East Coast and Midwest- I wore a hat/jersey of the visiting team to all three games, and not only did no one throw a beer or try to fight me, nobody even said anything.

- I saw a St. Louis tourism magazine that listed the city as one of the 50 most friendly places in the U.S. for gays and lesbians. Which sounds good, except... is it really that much of an accomplishment to make the top 50? "Ooh, we beat out Corpus Christi!"

- After a five-hour drive through the parts of Missouri that I'm guessing John Ashcroft carried by double digits every time he ran, we arrived in Kansas City Monday afternoon. We really should've planned it differently and come in the night before, since we were left with not much time to see the city. And not only that, but the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum, which I'd been looking forward to visiting for months, was closed on Mondays, it turns out.

- Let me just say- I loved just about EVERYTHING about Kauffmann Stadium. It was renovated recently to the tune of $200 million, and the renovation gave it wider concourses, a more open outfield, and an incredible scoreboard, maybe the best I've ever seen. If only they had a better team playing there... it's also part of a Philly-like sports complex, in the middle of a giant parking lot that it shares with the other stadium, a ways away from downtown.

- Also really liked the WWE-like stadium intro for closer Joakim Soria, which combined flames on every scoreboard with the stadium's trademark waterfalls going at full-blast. Almost enough to justify the team having a closer.

- The Royals have a very loyal and energetic fan base, for a team that's been unspeakably godawful for the better part of two decades. True, the Royals probably rank a distant third in that town behind the Chiefs and University of Kansas basketball, but the crowd was still sizable and reasonably energetic. Which was a good thing, except for the two idiots in front of us, who spent the majority of the game hitting on the likely high-school-aged girls next to them, before one of them assumed that because I'm from Minnesota, I must have had some chewing tobacco on me.

- There's a statue of Frank White, the 1980s Royals second baseman, in center field at Kauffman; a few minutes after seeing it, I saw White himself, appearing on the team's pregame show in a booth about 20 feet away. That's gotta be pretty awesome to walk by a statue of yourself on the way to work every day.

- Similarly, both Mark McGwire and George Brett have highways named after them in their respective cities. And just as both Cincinnati's Pete Rose Way and Minneapolis' Kirby Puckett Place have remained in place despite the players' post-retirement disgraces, Missouri neither pulled McGwire's highway after the steroid revelations, nor Brett's, after this.

- I sort of got screwed on barbecue for the trip to KC. I was told I had to check out Arthur Bryant's, Gates, or possibly both. My dad said they had Gates right in the ballpark and we should wait and have that, but... once we got in we found Gates was gone at the end of last year. Apparently, much as what happened at my college a decade ago, Aramark took over and ruined everything. We did have barbecue that wasn't bad - and the food options, except for something called a "KC Cheese Steak" looked all right- but it wasn't the same. Then, the next day, there was a full Arthur Bryant's open in the airport. I would've partaken had it not been 9 in the morning.

- And finally, the baseball... the Twins took 2 of 3 from the Cards, although since we missed the Friday game they split the ones we went to. Joe Mauer actually got his average up to .400 after one at-bat Saturday, but by Monday night it was down to .390. On Monday in KC the team had a chance to go to a season-high of two games above .500, but alas they lost to the Royals.

The team's got a lot of talent- two superstars on offense in Mauer and Morneau, and a fair amount of secondary talent in Cuddyer, Kubel, Span and Crede. Their starting pitching is solid but not dominant- though Francisco Liriano looked good Saturday-, and the bullpen is pretty suspect behind Joe Nathan. But jeez- I knew Delmon Young sucked, but seeing it in person really drove the point home. If the Twins could come up with solid regulars at second base and in left field, and added another reliever or two, they'd be in business.

All in all, a great trip, I highly recommend it or something like it.

Foul on Wilbon

Michael Wilbon wrote a column June 26- five days ago- in which he reviewed the NBA draft and made repeated references to Amare Stoudemire having been traded from Phoenix to Golden State. No such trade has yet taken place, and with Golden State saying they won't trade Stephen Curry, it's looking like it probably won't.

But what's weird is that Wilbon, an NBA expert who is on ABC's friggin' coverage of the league, would miss something so major. And not only that, but it's five days later and the column has not only not been corrected, but it doesn't look like any blogger has noticed it either. What gives? Isn't Deadspin normally all over this sort of thing?

Best Movies of the Half Year

"Up," "(500) Days of Summer," "Adventureland," "Duplicity," "Anvil: the Story of Anvil," "Star Trek," "The Hangover," "Two Lovers," "Observe and Report."

Worst Movies of the Half Year

"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen." Really, that's the whole list. I could name some other bad movies, but I wouldn't want to insult the filmmakers of those by putting them on the same list as "Transformers." After all, none of the other movies had robot testicles in them.

Yes, Microsoft Really Produced This Commercial

Clearly, Bill Gates' entire career was building towards this, a new product to prevent your wife from discovering your porn habit at breakfast, and subsequently vomiting all over you:

Another great idea- don't look at porn at the breakfast table.

The Latest Shocking Obama Scandal

He, he, he.... he looks at people!

Should he resign now, or wait until after the impeachment trial?

Back From Missour-Uh

I'm back from my trip to St. Louis and Kansas City; stay tuned later tonight for a full travelogue.

On Michael Jackson

I eulogize the Gloved One in this week's North Star column.

Senator Franken

The Minnesota Supreme Court today unanimously ruled that Al Franken is the winner of the state's long-disputed Senate race, coming to a conclusion that's been obvious for several months. Franken thus becomes the first U.S. Senator from my hometown of St. Louis Park.

May he enjoy a glorious five-and-a-half-year term.

Prediction: He'll Make the Last Out of the World Series For the Second Straight Year

News Item: Yankees trade for Eric Hinske.

Meet Me in St. Louis

I'm off tonight to St. Louis, going with my dad to see the Twins both there and in Kansas City. I've never been to either city so I'm excited to go and see my team.

No more blogging until Tuesday, but I'll likely be tweeting a bit, so check it out.

Best iPhone Screen Ever

This guy clearly had some fun. I don't know, but this made me laugh for about ten minutes.

Sports Radio Moment of the Day

On Thursday's show, Mike Missanelli suggested that if Jimmy Rollins keeps slumping, the Phillies might have to think about trading him. But only if they can get a really good pitcher back, a #2 at least.

How can anyone watch baseball for any number of years and not know how this works? If a pitcher is in position to trade high-end pitching, they're going to ask for multiple top prospects back. They're not going to want a veteran shortstop, especially one who's having the worst year of his career. And this goes for the talk show callers too, who regularly suggest trade scenarios along the lines of Jayson Werth, Shane Victorino and Jamie Moyer for Roy Halladay.

"Transformers" Sucks: Drees!

"The notion of geography is non-existent. Our heroes run through the National Air and Space Museum in Washington DC and exit out the back door onto some parking lot for old planes in the middle of the desert. Another sequence features our heroes escaping from a disused power plant on the Schykull River in the Philadelphia suburbs by making a left turn out of the parking lot and suddenly being in the wooded foothills of some mountains. Even if you aren’t familiar with these real world locations, such dislocation is jarring, taking one completely out of the film.

And let us not forget the plot point that completely invalidates the entire franchise’s premise! If one of the evil alien robots can convincingly disguise itself as a human being, why do the rest of them spend their time disguised as cars, planes and construction vehicles?"

Sullivan on MJ

What Andrew said, much better than I could.

The Death of Michael

It's shocking and sad, of course. Just a few months ago, I remember hearing one of his songs on the radio and thinking "wow, how will I ever explain Michael Jackson to my children?"

That said, the next three weeks of cable news is not going to be fun, with the wall-to-wall Michael coverage probably rivaling the Anna Nicole nonsense of a few years ago. Oh well, it was nice getting some coverage of Iran while it lasted.

Ricky!

And with that, I am once again an NBA fan. The Wolves needed a face of the franchise in a major way, and with Ricky Rubio, they've now got one. You've gotta love a guy who's gone toe-to-toe with international competition despite being 18 years old. He also looks just like Dmitri Martin. Howeve,r I don't really see why they drafted Johnny Flynn instead of Stephen Curry- how many rookie point guards do you need?

Oh, and an Israeli was drafted by Sacramento.

And the Knicks traded for Darko? I knew they wanted someone from that draft, but I figured it would be LeBron or Wade...

"Transformers" Sucks: Ain't It Cool!

"This film is a total and complete waste; a soggy, half baked dessert of a film that you can’t even say “Well, at least the action was cool.” It is an embarrassment, a pathetic misuse of hundreds of millions of dollars that only serves as the new model for excess run amok. Hopefully ten years from now I can put this in and laugh about it the way I laugh about BATMAN AND ROBIN, giggling furiously at the idea that they spent that much money of robot balls and a cybernetic minstrel show. But right now I’m too disappointed, too bitter and just too appalled to find any of this funny. You know, now that I think about it, maybe Bay got his giant, limp, swinging cyber-phallus after all. It’s called TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN."

Worst Headline Ever

UPI: No Conviction in Walmart Toilet Birth

I don't know what's worse- the "Walmart toilet birth" part, or the "no charges" part.

The HBO Dykstra Piece

It's sad and pathetic and all that, but my biggest takeaway is to ask this: Does Dykstra have some sort of brain damage? I feel sorry for all the people he owes money to, but then anyone who trusted this guy with their money probably should've seen trouble coming a mile away.

Also, Bernard Goldberg is 150 percent more appealing when he's talking on TV about something other than liberal media bias.

Much Better Than "Two Weeks Notice"

I review the surprisingly not-bad "The Proposal" on Philly.com.

Why, Despite It All, I Still Watch "The Real World"

There's a girl on this year's cast named "Ayiiya." Yes, that's right- six vowels, no consonants, and a palindrome to boot.

Well, that's one reason. I also want to know what Simmons is talking about on his next three months of podcasts.

Hopkins Again

It happens at least once a year, like clockwork: Philly-born boxing champ Bernard Hopkins goes on WIP and goes on a vicious, racially tinged diatribe about Donovan McNabb. It's always the same thing, as Hopkins insinuates that because McNabb is from a middle-class, suburban, two-parent household, he's somehow not tough enough, lacks heart, and will never, ever bring Philadelphia a championship.

You can hear the latest version here (Mp3 link), but really, Hopkins has given pretty much the same speech five times already in just the last few years. I'm guessing the WIP executives gathered last week and said "hey- Eskin's ratings are down- let's get Hopkins on again to stir up the McNabb stuff!"

Look, there's a lot of coded racial stuff said on that station all the time, usually by white callers who, for some reason they can't quite put their finger on, prefer Kevin Kolb (or Jeff Garcia or A.J. Feeley) to Donovan. But we also get a lot of this equally ugly "he's not black enough" bullshit, which is just about as hateful and noxious as the worst of the Kevin Kolb Klub.

It's one more reason to root for McNabb to win a title in Philly- it would shut a whole lot of very loathsome people up.

Clipped

On the occasion of the NBA Draft Thursday night, Bill Simmons pens an epic column, couched as a warning to Blake Griffin that he should avoid signing with the Clippers and literally make a run for the border. Bill goes through the Clips' entire sordid, 30-year history of bad trades, bad drafts, bad coaching hires and bad luck.

You know, once Donald Sterling passes from the scene, someone should buy the team and pull a Tampa Bay Rays: change the name, change the colors, and pretty much admit that everything about the past sucked and must be totally abandoned. Unfortunately for Bill, and for Blake Griffin, that scenario seems many years away.