If Peyton Played in Philly

iSportacus, with an on-the-nose look at how Eagles fan would react, if they were Colts fans, to last night's game.

Super Bowl Notes

Congrats to the Saints, on winning New Orleans' first-ever professional sports championship, five years after Katrina and 44 years after the team entered the league, and spent most of the next four decades losing in an embarrassing fashion. I would have rather it had been the Vikings, of course, but good for the Saints, at least we lost to the defending world champions.

The game was fully worthy of its status as the most-watched television broadcast of all time.

Now, without further ado, thoughts on the commercials; here's a roundup I did of the tech-based ones.

- The Google ad was the best of the night, and one of the best TV commercials I've ever seen. It reminded me of the "Married Life" montage from "Up"- it told a full story, in an extremely condensed amount of time, almost entirely wordlessly. And even better, I heard they did it in-house, with no ad agency.

- That FLO TV ad with Nantz was pretty bizarrely mean-spirited, not to mention nonsensical- if your wife asks you to go shopping during the Super Bowl, say "no." Plus, if you have the type of wife who makes you go shopping during a big game, she probably won't take too kindly to your carrying around a FLO TV while doing so.

The other FLO TV ad wasn't much better, featuring a historical montage that wrapped up with will.i.am, who is the Ted McGinley of advertising- that guy just poisons everything he touches (music, ads, CNN's hologram gimmick- really, everything but Obama.)

- The Dodge Charger "affirmation" bit had a singular implication: If you really hate your wife, this car is for you!

- On Leno/Letterman, the backstory is much, much better than the ad itself. I love that NBC flew Leno to New York on its own jet so he could promote their competition's show.

- Ultimate lesson of the Tim Tebow ad: If your mom doesn't abort you, one day you may tackle her. And much as Focus on the Family is a noxious organization in every way, they played the media like a fiddle for the past few weeks, earning themselves millions worth of free publicity. They must have the same media strategist as Mancrunch.com.

- TruTV: I laughed about five minutes straight at Punxsutawney Troy Polamalu.

- Arcade Fire's "Wake Up" makes any footage 75 percent better, whether you're the NFL or Spike Jonze.

- Doritios: Loved the little kid telling off his mom's suitor, but the other spots were pretty mediocre. What's up with the guy who buried himself in a coffin full of Doritos? He knows they get stale after a day or two, right?

- Bud Light: Not a good one among them. And do all-female book clubs usually serve beer?

- Snickers: I don't get it- why did Betty White turn into a man? And yes, Abe Vigoda managed to outlive "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien." Don't think anyone saw that one coming.

- KGB: Wow, there's a product no Russian immigrant will ever use.

- Audi "Green Police": Um, what? This played like a right-wing critique of green culture- so why don't you buy this green car?

- Taco Bell/Charles Barkey: Wha? Charles is many things, but a performer is not one of them. As his recent SNL appearance showed, Charles is about as good at acting as he is at golf.

And finally... enough of the talking E*Trade baby. Enough of another animal wanting to a Clydesdale. And enough of this GoDaddy nonsense. I get it- we're supposed to think there's nudity on the Web site!

Three Weeks of Noah

My son has a new blog post.

Darkness!

I review "Edge of Darkness" on Philly.com.

Covering Wing Bowl

I didn't make it this year- once per lifetime was enough- but Brian Hickey was, with an entertaining writeup.

Quote of the Day

Jonathan Chait, on those ads that have been running in several states against "The Big Bank Bailout," which is in fact the financial regulatory bill that the banks oppose:

The political dynamic is that the Republicans are supporting the big banks and credit card companies, who want to keep in place the laws that allowed them to get too big to fail. Opposing change, and siding with these institutions is wildly unpopular. So the approach urged by [Frank] Luntz is to simply pretend that a regulatory reform bill staunchly opposed by the financial industry is instead a new bailout fund favored by the financial industry. I wonder why Democrats never thought of this approach. Instead of opposing the Bush tax cuts, why not crusade against the "Bush tax hike"? Rather than oppose Samuel Alito's Supreme Court nomination, why not just insist you oppose the nomination of Charles Manson? Everybody hates Charles Manson.

Breitbart vs. Birthers

Journalist Dave Weigel, the world's greatest chronicler of today's nutty conservative movement, describes a backstage confrontation between right-wing impresario Andrew Breitbart and World Nut Daily editor Joseph Farah, who gave a pro-birther speech at this weekend's Tea Party convention.

Here, from the Buffalo Beast's annual "50 Most Loathsome Americans" list, is Farah's entry:

As editor of Worldnetdaily, old Joe’s insanity is often the starting line in the race from Drudge to Fox to a large, sweaty-headed Olbermann condemnation. Birther, creationist, secret Muslim, 9/11 conspiracies, Vince Foster, Chuck Norris: they do it all, and false evidence is their favorite kind. WND makes Jenny McCarthy’s Twitter feed read like a peer-reviewed journal, and yet the media pays attention to both, because our culture’s an intellectual cesspool. You know you’re in trouble when even Glenn Beck thinks your Obama conspiracy theories are ridiculous.

O-Dog!

News Item: Twins sign 2B Orlando Hudson

I love this signing. Love it. Like I've said before, the Twins have four guys on their roster- Nick Punto, Brendan Harris, Alexi Casilla and Matt Tolbert- that should be utility infielders on a contending team; they had to play playoff games last year with three of them in the lineup at a time.

Now, with Hudson in the fold, they can either platoon Punto and Harris at third, or start Harris and use Punto in a utility role. And third base prospect Danny Valencia should up with the big club by midseason. Plus, they add Hudson's speed and on-base percentage to the top of the lineup, and add a guy who's supposed to be just a quote machine.

Even though they've now done more in late January/early February than in the rest of the offseason put together, I'm happy with the Twins where they stand today, heading into the Target Field opening. They've got quite a good lineup top to bottom, plus seven starting pitchers as of now. And the team has a payroll just under $100 million! The Twins!

Can't wait to watch them on Fox nine times next year.

Now, sign Mauer.

"Lost" is Yummy

5 Second Films looks at how the show comes together:

I liked the premiere, and actually understood it surprisingly well, having never seen the show before.

But He Seemed Like Such a Great Guy!

News Item: John Edwards hit wife Elizabeth prior to separation

But He Seemed Like Such a Great Guy II!

News Item: Michael Irvin accused of rape

Demon Sheep!

Is this the biggest political laughingstock ever? See especially the 2:20 mark or so- it's like "Children of the Corn: The Sheep Version":

The Brandeis Terrorist Goes Down

Aafia Siddiqui, the long-accused al-Qaeda operative who after being captured was accused of trying to kill American officers in Afghanistan, has been convicted in a New York court.

Two funny things about this story: one, after all the KSM fake outrage, this terrorist was tried in a New York court without any controversy or hubbub whatsoever. And two, Siddiqui is an alum of... Brandeis, where she got a Ph.D. in neuroscience. Here's the kicker:

As the jurors began leaving the courtroom, Ms. Siddiqui, her face mostly covered in a cream-colored scarf, turned in her chair to face them. Holding her right index finger in the air, she said: “This is a verdict coming from Israel and not from America. That’s where the anger belongs.”

Though the outburst prompted marshals to remove Ms. Siddiqui, 37, from the courtroom

Scooby Dooby Jew!

One of the weirdest, craziest things on "The Daily Show" in awhile:

Oscar Thoughts

Can't say I disagree that much with the best picture nominations- on my year-end list, the ten movies nominated for Best Picture were my #1, #2, #3, #4, #13, #14, #18, #26, #27, and #37 choices. No "Where the Wild Things Are" or "in the Loop" for Picture, but what can you do? At least "Serious Man" made it.

And why no Nicolas Cage nomination for "Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans"? It wasn't THAT different from his "Leaving Las Vegas" role...

TV Roundup

- "Saturday Night Live" After sucking for about ten episodes in a row, SNL Saturday came out with its best top-to-bottom show since, well, the last time Jon Hamm hosted. Did the writers suddenly become funnier? Nah, I think it was all Hamm. That guy's damn talented, just as good at comedy as drama; I can see him becoming a huge, huge movie star within the year.

- "Big Love" It's still very entertaining and watchable, but this season is clearly not up to the level of last year, mostly due to the insane story arc that has Bill running for elected office (in addition to running a home store, a casino, and a church- yes, he has more jobs than wives.) They're really turning him into a villain in the later seasons, and that's in some way admirable. Bill the politician made his friend take the fall for his own transgression? Who would do such a thing?

- "Damages" After the show's second season got away from it, big time- trying to squeeze three years worth of plot into one- the show seems to be back in form in the third season, even if it is stealing the entire Bernie Madoff story verbatim. Still, I'm loving Martin Short as a sleazy lawyer - in the funnyman-goes-serious-on-"Damages" tradition of Ted Danson and Darrell Hammond- and Campbell Scott is doing great too. Plus, Rose Byrne is no longer starved down to a size zero- she appears to have grown to a 1 or maybe even a 2.

-"Lost" As you may have gathered from its complete lack of mentions in the past five years, I've never watched "Lost," although I've decided to watch the final season, because, why the hell not? I want to be able to participate in my co-workers' hours-long dissections of it. I posted the question on Facebook and several people tried to talk me out of it, pointing out that I should go back and watch the whole series on Netflix/Hulu. Yea, due to recent events in my household, I've got a feeling that's not happening. It's on as I type and I'm going to watch it later.

- "24" Here's a show that really should go off the air very soon- they're completely out of ideas at this point, other than changing the city every year, and the nationalities of the villains. But how exactly are we supposed to tell all these evil Russians/Germans apart? There's about 10 of them. The Katee Sackhoff stalker plot is pretty terrible too- and why is she wearing cocktail dress while working at CTU? Then there's Renee, Johnny Utah-style, using her real name while undercover. And yes, if Jack spent the rest of the season undercover, with a German accent, as "Meir," I might actually be interested. But that seems to be over.

Following Dick Cheney's Path to Power

News Item: Brandeis presidential search committee chairman nominated for president.

The Trouble With Bipartisanship

A James Fallows correspondent has it right:

"GOP member: 'I'd like this in the bill.'

"Dem member response: 'If we put it in, will you vote for the bill?'

"GOP member:  'You know I can't vote for the bill.'

"Dem member:  'Then why should we put it in the bill?'

"Bipartisanship in the American sense means compromising on legislation so that a sufficient number of members of Congress from BOTH parties will support it, even if (as is typically the case) a few majority party members defect and most minority party members don't join.  Bipartisanship consists of getting ENOUGH members of the minority party to join the (incomplete) majority in voting for major legislation.  It can't happen if the minority party members vote as a block against major legislation.  And that can happen only if the minority party has the ability to discipline its ranks so that none join the majority, which is the unprecedented situation we've got in Congress today.

Film Critic Quote of the Week

My college classmate Zach Handlen, revisiting "Orphan" in the AV Club:

Basically, Orphan is what would happen if Kirsten Dunst’s character in Interview With The Vampire had survived, become a film actress, and beat out Rebecca De Mornay for the villain role in The Hand That Rocks The Cradle.

Your Monday Noah

My son's got a new blog post, which can be read here.

Mauer Signs- No He Doesn't!

Twins fans temporarily got their hopes up this afternoon when WCCO's Mark Rosen reported that they had agreed with Joe Mauer on a 10-year contract extension at undisclosed terms. Oops... several other top reporters, both national and local, reported soon after that no deal was done.

I'm sure the deal will still happen- although I wouldn't imagine it'll be for ten years- but this is pretty embarrassing for Rosen. He was, however, the reporter who ultimately broke the news that Favre was indeed coming to the Vikings, even though half of ESPN's reporters were camped out on his lawn at the time.

Obama vs. the House Republicans

Thought One: He's Way, Way Smarter Than All of Them

Not to mention- we're closer than ever to my wish of a U.S. version of Prime Minister's Question Time.

Sports Radio Moment of the Day

Sitting in for Howard Eskin today, Anthony Gargano joined Ike Reese, and two men went on and on about why didn't want to watch the Pro Bowl. Because it's boring and meaningless? Of course not- because of Donovan McNabb.

The two hosts went on about how they didn't want to see McNabb "clowning around" at the Pro Bowl, when everyone back in Philly knows that he hasn't won a Super Bowl yet.

Which brings up a natural question- how should McNabb, or any other non-Super Bowl-winning quarterback, behave in the offseason? Take a vow of poverty? Engage in self-flagellation? Not appear in public at all?

How about "work out hard, sometimes with teammates, in an attempt to be ready for the next year?" That seems to be the most likely way to bring about an eventual championship- and it's what McNabb does, every year.

I'm telling you- the McNabb/Obama parallel is stronger than ever, with Donovan filling the Lucifer role on sports talk radio that the president does on political talk. To their single-minded enemies, anything either man says or does, no matter how innocuous, is occasion for full-throated vitriol and outrage.

A Parody, Sort Of

Onion: Vikings Stand Behind Brett Favre's Decision To Jerk Team Around For Months

Imagine how deferential they'd be towards him if he HADN'T thrown a season-ending interception.

Cornering the Market on Mediocre Mikes

News Item: Bears hire Mike Martz as offensive coordinator

So they've got Mike Martz AND Mike Tice on the same offensive staff? When are they signing Mike McMahon to play quarterback?

Grilling Donovan

It's the best interview of Donovan McNabb I've ever seen:

He didn't ask the question most Philadelphia fans want asked: "You haven't won a Super Bowl in your career- how do you live with yourself?"

Two Weeks of Noah

Noah's still going great, and turned two weeks old on Friday. Here's his newest blog post.

Well, They Are All Earth Girls

Mediaite: Jewish Girls Are Easy

If Jewish girls were easy- and they all looked like Rachel from "Glee"- my teenage years would've been much, much happier than they were.

Best Political Ad of All Time?

This ad- for New Orleans coroner- is a strong contender:

How often do candidates accuse each other of organ theft? Outside of New Jersey, anyway...

Less Than Lovely

I review Peter Jackson's generally awful "The Lovely Bones" at Philly.com.